ms. fresh fish


New Year, Old Me
January 7, 2017, 8:59 pm
Filed under: events, general, The big picture | Tags:

The annual reflex to set a personal improvement goal to mark the new year passed right by me this year. 

The meme that went around about how people could expect the same old, sarcastic-yet-charming jackass that they’ve grown to love (or not) deeply resonated with me. Maybe it’s something in the air. Clearly, I’m not the only one who is incapable of feigning the desire to set out a grand goal that I know will be a future failure. I feel like I’m quite fine just as I am – partly because the quest of self-improvement is a running theme in my life. Always. 

If anything, I’m actually hoping to bring to the forefront some of old me rather than reinvent myself. There are parts of younger me that I quite miss and are due for a comeback. 

More sass, less sacharine. 

More movies, less phone. 

More music, less silence. 

More fire and feeling, less calm.

More writing. (Uh-oh, that sounds like a resolution. Don’t hold me to it.)

“Balanced” doesn’t look the same in any two people. I’ve been trying to emulate a version of it that I admire in other people, but that isn’t necessarily mine. My balance is a little further along the “energetic” and “sassy” end of the spectrum. It means that I can rub people the wrong way, but that’s something that at #thisis38 has less weight than it did five years ago. Even two years ago, to be honest. (As my dear friend Kelly said just today: “I can’t wait to see how little I care at 50!!”)

And so, if I were to have a new year’s resolution, it would be to find more of my old self, and to let go of turning myself into a new, ideal version that I can’t actually live in.

Old me. As in, I’m old. 😂

Advertisements