ms. fresh fish


He’s comin’ to (north) America…
April 19, 2006, 3:38 pm
Filed under: general

Now say that line to the tune of Neil Diamond’s “They’re coming to America… today (whispered)”, but replace (north) America with Canada and “they’re” with “he’s” and you’ve got the gist of the title. Who is this “he”, you may be wondering? His name is Thomas and my wonderful friend Elissa found him in some pub, or school, in Manchester, England and he’s since convinced her to marry him (yeah!). Anyway, he’s moving to England, travelling on the S.S. Elissa-is-moving-back-home-to-Canada-come-hell-or-highwater.

They’ve been staying with us while they search Ottawa for teaching jobs (anyone got one for them?) and Tom has been so kind as to share with us his surprisingly informed opinions on a few of our political/economic/social situations. Sadly, he is more informed than many of the Canadians I speak with. His recommendations, however, do indicate the need for a bit more work on sensitizing himself to Canada’s political culture. He had some recommendations for us and plans to figure out how to implement them when he gets here. Seems that the political culture in England is a bit tougher, reminiscent of the Bush/Blair pre-emptive strike justification philosophy.

  1. Alberta – He doesn’t like ‘em. At all. He believes that they should be taxed up the wazoo and have the wealth redistributed throughout the rest of the country (yup, he’s a bit of a commie, but that’s why we heart him!). If Alberta disagrees, as they surely will, we must simply be tough with them. Let them separate. As part of the separation negotiations, we will demand that all of our federal roads and infrastructures be used to the tune of (raise the voice as you get to the end of the number) $17,000 (or was that pounds?) per mile (we’ll break the whole metric system to him after he gets off the boat), per person. Awesome.
  1. Taxation – It needs to be fixed. In case you were wondering about his pinko (heart him) tendencies in the above policy suggestion, try this on for size. Ultra wealthy should be taxed at 95%. This elicited laughter from the room only leading to his confusion. “96% then?” he queried. Adorable.
  1. Baby seals/Seal hunt – Turns out Paul McCartney and his ignoramus wife really do represent the UK! Tom was subjected to a bit of a beat down care of his three dinner partners (whom he had made dinner… ouch). Marco explained the concept of the “charismatic mega-mammal”, such as the cute, fuzzy baby seal that makes even meat eaters take up their hypocritical swords and fight against the cruelty of the clubbing (as if clubbing, being the most inefficient method of hunting, is still hunters’ weapon of choice). Over pork chops and salmon, I think we decided that we won this one and moreover, that he still has a bit of sensitivity training to do around the rights of the people that we stole this land from. All in good time.

P.S. to Tom and Lolesha (and Karen too!) – thanks for the cooking, the drinking, the lori-almost-peed-her-pants-laughing-four-times and the good tunes… your room is waiting for you whenever you can get back here!

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